A very early start. Up and dressed at 4am in the car and off to Bournemouth Airport for our flight to Mallorca. By half past 6 we were on the plane,
We arrived in Mallorca, collected our bags and found a representative and we were shepherded into a coach which left in short order to take us on a whistle stop (a term I might use again) tour of Mallorca to the cruise terminal. By 1pm we were sipping cocktails on the deck admiring the view of Mallorca and its cathedral.
The boat left at about 6pm for the next port which would be after a full day of cruising allowing us time to familiarise ourselves with the boat.
Day 3 – Livorno
We awoke and were in Italy. The weather was gorgeous and we had arrived in Livorno port where coaches awaited us to take us to Florence.
Florence is a beautiful city steeped in history with a remarkably impressive cathedral. We sat in the Piazza Dela Signoria with statues of David and Hercules and then wandered along the river to the Ponte Vecchio to look at the jewellery shops. As we were in Italy we of course had to have some Gelato which was delicious.
The tour guide they provided was eager to tell us all about how “very important” the history of “Tuscany” was and if you’re not sure how they’re pronounced. Ask April.
Following the tour of Florence, we were whisked off in the coach again to Pisa. Where we saw the tower watched a load of people take silly photos and sat on the grass awaiting the coach home.
Day 4 – Villefranche
Villefranche was astoundingly beautiful. The boat had to moor in the harbour and tenders had to ferry us between it and the harbour. April saw some excellent French cock as he hadn’t realised there were lots of people outside his bedroom window until he’d fully opened it.
We caught a coach and were on our way to Cannes. This was on the first day of the 2024 Film Festival and we saw one famous person. The guy who played Jonny Depp’s Oompa Loompa.
We then set off for Nice which was much “nice”r than Cannes and as we were in France now we had crepes in the park. Where Jez used a pay as you go loo.
Once we returned to the boat and watched some lifeboat drills we were off to our next destination.
Day 5 – Toulon
We decided to stay on the boat today as none of the excursions were up our street and the French naval were doing submarine drills in the harbour so we could watch that (amongst other naval activities).
April had booked a spa day for herself and was thoroughly looking forward to a facial (which turned into being covered head to toe in algae wrapped in tin foil under a duvet in a pair of paper pants).
We made full use of the seclusion deck at the front of the boat and enjoyed a very relaxing day.
Day 6 – Barcelona
Fucked up is an understatement for Barcelona Cathedral. It’s an absolute ADHD of a building, as, to be honest, are Gaudi’s other buildings. Somebody should have prescribed him methylphenidate.
Holy moly, today was a busy one. The coaches were packed (and had an obnoxious Yorkshire Man). However the old town of Barcelona is beautiful and we spent a good amount of time wandering attempting to find the national pudding (as we had in France and Italy) of Churros to no avail. Instead we ended up at a Mexican restaurant that evening which is the closest we could get. they did have Churros \o/.
Day 7 – Valencia
Again the excursions weren’t for us so we decided to stay on board. Jez had a massage and a weird foot test and April stayed on the relaxation deck. Later on Jez did a backstage tour of the cruise liner and met the captain.
Day 8 – Mallorca
Home time (sigh). We had to vacate our cabin early in order to catch the coach back to Mallorca airport.
Arrived at the airport nice and early where there was nowhere to sit for the four hour wait for our flight.
All in all April and I had a nice time. The Mediterranean Sea was eerily calm for the duration of our trip. Which I suppose is better than any kind of rough. We did feel the trip was very “peopley”. Not a lot of places to take yourself away from the hubbub when needed. Luckily the cabin had a balcony which did afford us some alone time whilst the masses played bingo, sunbathed in the way or generally raised their noses at you.
